Noony

Noony

February 14, 2007 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Fire!

Elaine and I have been poking around the amazingly silly National Symbols Program web site after finding out that there's a new controversy around Woodsy Owl's new post-diet persona.

Look what she found:

January 17, 2007 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September

Funny how change happens. Life is a stack of mostly anti-climactic revolutions: Things that start out as a good way to spend a moment turn into lifestyles, and most of these eventually get squeezed out just as easily as they came in. It's the end of summer and change is in the air. You wake up one morning, super refreshed, take a deep breath and find yourself pulling out that song you almost finished writing, the painting that needs some love, the phone number of an old friend. What I'm not sure about is whether this is a learned behavior or some natural response to circadian cycles. Does one too many depressing winters teach you to do a hard reset every fall? Or are we hard-coded this way?

I'm playing again.

September 27, 2006 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Throbbing

My back is torturing with me, randomly twisting me from the inside. Some days I can't stand up straight. Other times live electrical wires fire down my leg while I try to sleep. My stance has become crooked and stooped. One of my legs is too short. One side doesn't stretch enough. I have a ridge in my spine. I've been possessed by a demon, but I'll be conjuring a serious exorcism very soon. It is time. I will rain the vengance of hell upon this bastard mofo and return triumphant. By whatever means necessary. Bad day becoming good.

I will stop being such a self-pitying, self-obsessed, non-blogging nerf-herder when that happens. You have my word. I'm really in a damn good mood, and it's time that the system got the message.

September 7, 2006 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Dangerous Lurkers!

We will kick their asses by luring them into our friends' cul-de-sacs!

We will surround them with our slingshots and force them to take a stand while we pummel them with mean observations about their poor breeding and short penises! We will go YouTubing down a river of the blood of their precious hamsters and curse them for the pain in our stomachs from laughing at their twisted doom!

We will make friends with their mothers to learn their nasty childhood secrets for humorous additions to our blogs! Their girlfriends will cry out while we make sex with them (the girlfriends)! HaHA!

June 20, 2006 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Overheard

My brother and I spent an hour or so yesterday at an outside cafe (ok, bar) listening to (ok, participating in) a fairly loud argument about who was cooler: Robert Conrad (star of The Wild Wild West) or William Shatner (star of Star Trek), and who would kick the other's ass. It turns out that Robert Conrad did most of his own stunts and made up for his altitudinal limitations by rigorously studying pugilism, while Shatner is just the world's coolest has-been. Verdict: Conrad, sort of.

May 14, 2006 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack

My Dream Livingroom

Currently my entire entertainment system is based around a five year old G4 and an amp/tuner that I found on a dumpster. For the most part everything works great. I don't have a TV, but I have far fewer boxes, remotes and other garbage that most people have to deal with. I have one remote that manages to do everything I need with about 10 buttons. Pumping digital music through an old tube amp gives it a warm sound I like. Rhapsody + a cd player + iTunes + a bunch of couple of fat internal harddrives I scavanged a few years back totally does the trick.

That said, I'm due for an upgrade, here's the plan:

• Replace aging Mac with a new Mac mini. I'm going to wait until one comes out built on an Intel DualCore chip, like the screaming iMac and MacBook Pro that came out yesterday. I'm hoping Apple has the foresight to include a remote (very likely), otherwise I'll stick with my third party USB/IR solution.

• Get an enormous external harddrive. There's a kind that perfectly sits under the Mac mini and provides additional firewire and USB ports to boot.

• Shell out for a 30" Apple Cinema Display or similar wide format flatscreen monitor. This is long overdue.

• External digital TV box. This may not be necessary, I think that we're only a year or two away from a passable TV on the web solution, but I might not be able to wait. Also will mean I'll have to get some kind of lame expensive cable package that includes a bunch of mindnumbing channels I will hate. Then I'll have to figure out some kind of software DVR solution, don't really know what's out there right now. It's pretty critical that this thing can do FM as well, I'm a morning/weekend NPR addict and going to a website just isn't as satisfying as pressing a big shiny metal button.

• Good looking/sounding replacement for amp. This might just mean building a box for some of the guts of my current system. I think my current tuner/amplifier sounds fine, but the (pink) lights behind the tuner window are starting to go dark and the veneered finish is, well, finished. I really don't want one of those black rectangles that everybody has, maybe I can find something from the 70's.

• Some kind of angled swivel table for my Wacom tablet. I need to be able to swing this out when I want to draw, and tuck it away when I don't. What would be really cool is if somebody would come out with a wireless flatscreen monitor/drawing tablet with a blistering response time.

• All of the above in my Lear jet. And coke! Model/actress/librarians! A gay fashion advisor/masseuse/personal assistant! World peace! Non-corrupt government! Model/actress/librarians!

January 11, 2006 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Frank Folupa

In a page about William James Sidis from a link in a recent post I found a little mystery about him: he used a pseudonym occasionally: Frank Folupa, and some people think it must have had some meaning to him. Here are the best of the anagrams I could find:

A FAR FOLK PUN
A PLANK OF FUR
A LARK OFF PUN
KLAN OAR PUFF

Clearly I figured that one out. This genius guy is overrated.

Perhaps of interest, I also discovered tonight that my first and last names can be rearranged to spell "UK REAR THROBS"... which is funny because of this: throb.co.uk.

I cain't quit you, blog.

January 7, 2006 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack

ARMAGEDDON

GEORGE W BUSH AND HIS CRONIES HAVE BROUGHT THIS DESTRUCTION AND HORROR ON THE EARTH AND ITS PEOPLE BY IGNORING THE GUIDANCE SIGNALS OUR BETELGEUSEAN ANGEL OVERLORDS HAVE BEEN BEAMING INTO OUR HEADS VIA QUANTUM PARTICLES AND SATELLITE-BASED RADIO SIGNALS. I HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED TO INFORM YOU THAT, BY ADVOCATING RECKLESS AND SHORTSIGHTED ENVIRONMENTAL AND SOCIAL POLICIES, OUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF HAS CAUSED A HERETOFORE UNIMAGINED LEVEL OF DISTURBANCE IN THE UTOPIAN AGENDA OUR BENEFICENT GUARDIANS HAVE DESIGNED AND HAVE BEEN MANAGING FOR US SINCE THEIR FIRST EARTH VISIT IN 3027 BCE. MORE HURRICANES AND EARTHQUAKES AND TSUNAMIS WILL WRECK UNPRECIDENTED HAVOC ON US IF WE DO NOT TUNE IN AND HEED THE MESSAGES FROM OUR FATHER SPECIES! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

September 19, 2005 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack

*rolls eyes*

I used to imagine rolling my eyes back into my head and looking at my brain, a clockwork. I see the pipeworks, the in-tubes from the spine, the ears, the eyes. I see pumping processes, processing. There is a keyhole, through which I can see a mirror, an image of me looking at me seeing, upside down. I see microchips soldered to tiny green boards, minute gold mazes leading to buses. Grounding wires. Fans. There is a control room with oompaloompas watching lcds of rutting naked bodies, the faces of lovers and friends, interfaces, fractals. There are oozing puddles of blackness under the machines, and some of them, bubbling and spurting, grow fragile tendrils that flirt with the whirling cogs. A faint red mechanical pulsing is omnipresent. The sound of clicks, whirs and whistles. Heat. Unopened boxes.

August 11, 2005 in Off the deep end | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack