Songs about disorders
My life in numbers:
- The number of men or women I've killed in my life = 0 (I think).
- The number of insects I've killed in my life = the number of times I've been annoyed enough to successfully overcome their pesky self-preservation instincts through the skillful application of ancient-inherited-genetic-trait-related-counter-insect program activities.
- The number of people I would kill if there weren't negative repercussions associated with my action to do so = 0 (I think - but I have some mean-ass friends who might tie you down and tickle the hell out of you if you're a dick to me, so watch out)
- The number of enemies I have = 0 (unless you count insects or bastards who are being sneaky, I think).
- The number of people I love/have loved in a romantic way = this question doesn't make any sense any more.
- The number of hours I sleep at night = Depends on what you mean.
- Ok, the number of hours I am completely out like a light or dreaming or whatever = Feels like about 5 really good minutes.
- Um. The number of times I've really engaged with the big bunch of folks I really love and don't see enough and have missed over the last couple of months = too few, I'm sorry.
- The number of times I've posted to my blog lately = too few again, I'm suddenly shy. Sorry about that too. I still laugh my ass off a good number of times a day, I'll try to relate these more.
Mac users who also use Adium as an aggregated IM client (basically, my buddy Jason and I) may be familiar with Adium's scripting capabilities. One of the cool things we can do, across IM platforms, is type something like "/insult" and when I hit 'return' the person I'm talking to gets a random Shakespearian insult. Or I type in "/mom" and you get a random funny "Your momma's so blahblah that blahblah" formatted joke.
This is totally hilarious when I can't think of a wittier way to make Tara's life at work entertaining and worthwhile.
So. Ok, this is totally silly, but I'm off my rocker lately anyway, being totally pathetically happily single and slowly but surely going completely insane, it's possible to hack these scripts to make randomish phrases of my choice appear when I do any random key combination in my IM client. So here are some ideas:
X walks into a bar jokes
variations on "the terrorists have already won"... I could type "If I let you do whatever you want with *x project* then /terror" and it would yield "...we, the infidels, will fall to the fire of the true missionaries of Allah" or the like.
I get a pop up box in which I can enter your name. Then it populates your name in a bunch of "your mom" jokes. Oh man it's so funny I just can't stand it. Or not.
I get a pop up box in which I can enter your race or religion. Then it makes a humorous jab at you based on my input. We're both doubling over at this point because you're a member of silly /religion-race.
Stuff like "but have you reflected inwardly to experience your spirit animals lately?" and "and giving to the system of which you are a part." I don't at all disagree with this stuff, but I think it's funny to spew it. So too:
Something to chew on...
Well. Hm. Ok.
Now you can get bracelets to let everyone know you believe in conservative "values". As if we couldn't tell from your uncomfortable clothes? Anyway, it comes complete with a cute wittle picture of an abortion. Aww. Too bad there isn't a symbol for "selfish". Oh wait... there're five of them. Dare I suggest that feeding tubes might be more appropriate? Ooooh Snap!