Airplanes

Got on the plane at 6:30 in the morning. Put my seatbelt on incorrectly, but the flight attendant played a helpful video which clued me in.

The plane took off uneventfully, but soon was hijacked by a guy with a nail file and his partner who claimed to be wearing a hatband made out of C4. Luckily, a fireman (who looked exactly like Nick Cage) got up about half-way through the flight and regained control of the plane through the skillful wielding of a knitting needle his wife had snuck on board inside the empty shell of a laptop computer. The plane got back on course and the rest of the trip seemed to be going pretty normally until about 5 minutes before we landed and somebody who had left their cell phone turned on got a phone call, reducing the plane's electronics to molten ooze. The jet engines exploded into a twin balls of flame. The people manning the exit row doors didn’t know what they were doing. I couldn’t remember where the floatation devices were. Improperly stowed carry-on baggage smashed skulls willy-nilly. Oxygen masks hypnotized us. Etc, etc.

PS. My cell phone is always “turned on.” Pass it on.

Seriously though, I was selected for a full security search both on my way to Lansing, MI and on my return trip. I discovered on my return that I had gotten through both searches with a loaded X-Acto knife in my carry-on luggage with about 20 extra blades. Good thing I'm just a (mostly) harmless designer guy.